i’ve only realized this year how hard it is for people to get close to me.
three of my closest friends told me it was really hard for them to get close to me because i held them at arms length for a few years. and even after we got close, i still keep them at a distance.
(Source: introvertcat)
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introverted introvert introvert problems introverted cat personal
thanks to all of you who randomly, and sometimes anonymously, send me kind little things saying how much you like my blog or how much i’ve changed your life in some way or another.
that’s really nice. i make this blog for me but it’s nice (and flattering) that other people appreciate this corner of my mind.
usually people don’t like my taste in music. or rather, they like parts of it. but i’m the kind of person that likes a little bit of everything.
once a guy from work said he really liked me for my music taste because, unlike most people who said they listened to everything and actually listened to nothing, i actually did listen to everything.
i think that’s the only compliment i’ve ever gotten concerning my taste in music.
When INTPs feel insulted, they may respond with sudden, cutting criticism. After such an incident, INTPs are likely to be as bewildered as the recipient. They have broken the rules of debate and exposed their raw emotions. To INTPs, this is the crux of the problem: improperly handled emotions can only harm.
Yes, I am still learning. I don’t know what many thing are. Or how to act in many situations. But I have an idea. I read, and so many possibilities of outcomes to action are in my mind.
I’ve realized only this year that reading is not everything. Although I already knew that from reading, but I never quite understood the importance of it until now.
I know of many situations. But I have not acted out many situations and I do not completely know everyone around me, because I don’t think you can truly know everything about a person.
But I try. I try to see my failings. I try to change. And I have been damaged, but not so much that I cannot change.
There is one person in my life who points out my failings. Even though it hurts and I don’t like seeing them, I know he is right. And so I try to change. On some level it is for him, but on the most important level, it is for me. Because I want to be the best person I can be.
And even if he can sometimes be harsh about my failings, in the end, he is usually right. I try very hard to be honest with myself, about what kind of person I am. I try to see the good things and the bad things equally.
Sometime we only see the bad things about ourselves, or we think the bad greatly outweighs the good. But that is not being fair. I think we all have equally good and bad qualities. We have endless amounts of possibilities of qualities that we can grow into. It is which side we decide to nurture as we grow and which ones we decide to prune that are important.
But we so often do not want to see the bad aspects of ourselves, that we delude ourselves into thinking we are always right. Or we try to forget them, and wander around without knowing ourselves.
But with good always comes bad.
And I believe it is the same for love. After falling out of love, sometimes we talk about how bad it is, and aren’t all of them really the same? We question what good comes of love if it only hurts. (But just the fact that it hurt means that it really meant something. If you are not hurt, then you did not love.)
When we are in love, we want to see the best aspects of love, and never want to see the worst. Love is not “pure” in the sense that it is not made up of all “good” feelings. It also creates jealousy, possession, anger, and the desire to control.
It is not healthy to have such a black and white view of things. Something is not all good or all bad. It is hard to see things as they are. We think we know something for sure, and then two or five or ten or twenty years later we realize we made a mistake. We took the wrong lesson from an experience and if we’re lucky, we’re able to mend our ways.
But so many people walk in darkness. In inadequacy and without self-knowledge. Without even trying to attain those things. They are the truly tragic.
But if we are aware of those aspects of love, I think we can control them to an extent. I know that I become jealous. But I will not act on the jealousy. Instead I will admit it to myself, and even to my lover calmly. I will not stop them from doing something they love doing, an activity or pass-time. These are my own issues to deal with.
At the same time, we also need reassurance when loving someone. We need reassurance from a partner saying that, yes, they do love us. And some people think that this is wrong, that we should know someone loves us and that is enough. But that is not true.
In all kinds of love, not just romantic, we need reassurance. We need to be told we’re loved, to be shown in big and small ways that we’re loved and to be reassured when we need it. Without that reassurance we can easily fall out of love or stop loving altogether. Because nothing can withstand indifference. If someone is not willing to reassure you from time to time that they love you, chances are that they don’t (but of course, this reassurance that you ask from someone else shouldn’t be overpowering, either. just a healthy amount).
Someone, I am not sure who, once said, “You cannot change a person. But you can be the reason a person changes.”
So I try to change for the best in little ways for myself and for someone special one day. Although it is for someone special it is also for myself. Doing something for someone else feels wonderful and empowering. But doing something for yourself is healing.
And you can have the best of both worlds if you only try to better yourself. So that is what I try to do.
Little changes can lead to big differences in your personality later on.
because sometimes i have true dreams. And I had one last summer and I didn’t know it was true until now when I read over it. And I realized how many dreams I have had about this one person that have been true.
All of this is frightening me. And I’m scared.
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what am i supposed to do what am i supposed to learn from you personal
about how broke i am right now. i might have 100$ in the bank right now. maybe.
and then I was thinking about how hard i worked last summer… like how the fuck did i not make any money from that?!
but now i remember. i owed my mum 2k for my trip to paris. and then i made 3k but that extra thousand went to paying off my visa.
and then i quit my job in february because things were too overwhelming. le sigh. life.
